And, if you are the spouse who committed the affair, your words and actions in the days that lie ahead are essential and have the power to heal or break down your marriage even further. Not long ago, I received an email from a reader whose husband recently confessed to having multiple affairs during their ten years of marriage. She believes that he is completely remorseful and fully realizes that he has broken his vows…over and over again.
This couple has two children and has been together a long time. Even after hearing his gut-wrenching confession, she still loves him and wants to stay with him. I share this story with you to serve as an example as what your spouse is or will most likely be going through in their mind and heart. As the spouse who had the affair, it is important to remember that your spouse will experience a wide range of emotions after hearing about your affair, and it will most likely take them a long time to heal.
So, please give them the time and space they need to process their emotions so you both can continue to move towards restoration.
Survive and Thrive after Infidelity
You might be thinking, is that even possible? Can a marriage truly be saved after an affair? Yes, vows have been broken. Yes, trust must be earned once again. So, if you had an affair, here are four crucial steps you must take to save your marriage:. Cut off ALL contact in person, online, or elsewhere. Ask God to forgive you for being unfaithful and to help you refocus on your commitment to your spouse. Ask Him to give you strength to confess, and then, do it.
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It will be gut-wrenching, emotional, and heartbreaking. But, you MUST confess in order for healing to take place. And, the sooner you end the adulterous relationship, repent, and admit to the affair, the better. No matter how awful and ugly the truth may seem, once the truth is brought to light that is when God begins to heal our hearts.
Trust has been broken. The process to regain trust is a slow one, and this can only happen with full transparency. It is hard for us to get things out of our mind once they are in there. This will only hinder the healing process.
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Important questions the spouse who committed the affair must answer include: Have you completely ended the affair? Have you cut off all contact with this person? Have you gotten rid of any devices or apps i. Are you willing to get rid of passwords, change jobs, move, or do whatever it takes to not be around the person with whom you committed adultery? And, the longer you resist leaving the illicit relationship and come to a place of total repentance to God and your spouse, the harder it will be to salvage your marriage. True love will not last without commitment.
When an affair occurs, the commitment has been broken, and that is precisely why some decide to divorce. The only way a marriage can survive and even thrive after an affair is by both the husband and the wife recommitting to one another. However, as the spouse who committed the affair, this recommitment starts with YOU. You must take the first step by showing your spouse how committed you are to doing whatever it takes to regain their trust and save the marriage.
Is it really possible for both parties to move on successfully from infidelity? Note there is a clear distinction to be made between surviving and thriving. So do you want your marriage to simply survive the affair or thrive flawlessly after? Depending on where you are in the process, you may not even see the possibility. When you reach deep on the inside of you, do you believe thriving after an affair is even possible?
At the same time, let me be crystal clear. However, I assure you if you press forward, many blessings await you and your spouse. So, pick up your marital mirror and reflect on a few things:. Do you want to confront and conquer the infidelity? What about your spouse? Do they want the same? In the actual affair, it took two to tango. If you truly want to AND you are willing to put in the blood, sweat, and tears to do it, it can be done successfully. As you get down to the nuts and bolts of it. You want and need your relationship to come out of the fire flourishing fruitfully!
You want to show the world, but most importantly yourselves, that love, forgiveness, and persistence can make you better, stronger, and more in love in the long run. Understand anything worth having in life especially marriage will require hard work, and this is no different! Your next step, after both deciding to reconcile and remain a couple, is to become accountable. Let me explain what I mean by this while providing a disclaimer.
Picking up the pieces after an affair
The disclaimer is that it is never okay or excusable to have an affair. Brace yourself, but, my husband and I both had affairs. Mine was during our engagement and his was during our marriage. However, during this year of marriage I was a slave to corporate America working very long strenuous and tiring hours. Now again, I do not condone the above.
In a majority of cases, affairs do not just happen. Maybe you quit talking.
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Maybe priorities got mixed up. What is your maybe?